This past week the Dallas Cowboys released Terrell Owens, who is one of the most talented receivers alive. They did so even though he was under contract for the next few years. They did so even though they will have to pay him something like 9 million dollars even if he does not play at all. Why?
T.O. has character issues. They say he is a cancer to a locker room. He complains. He criticizes his quarterbacks. He is a constant one man soap opera. So even though he has a boat-load of talent, the Cowboys would rather play without him. And it seems, at least at the moment, that no one else wants him either.
How does such a talented person get this way? BTW - this is not the first time a team wanted to get rid of him. He has had the same problem with three separate teams now. We actually can learn something very important for T.O.'s perpetual immaturity. What?
When things go wrong in your life you have a choice. You can either BLAME or you can seek to BUILD your own character. I don't think I have ever heard Terrell take responsibility for any part of a problem. For Owens, it is always someone else's fault.
Problems, conflict, failure, criticism are all opportunities to learn and grow as a person. So how do we avoid the pattern of perpetual immaturity?
2. Seek Input From Positive People - Ask trusted friends to speak into your life and point out blind spots for you. It is important that you go to people that you know are committed to you first of all, because you can trust their words and gifts to your soul.
3. Welcome Criticism - One source that we can learn from more than we realize is that of harsh criticism. Typically there is a tiny nugget of truth in what a negative critical person is saying to us. We show great maturity when we can identify the 2% that they are right about and spit out the 98% that they are wrong about.
4. Verbalize Ownership + Seek Forgiveness - We lead when we acknowledge our faults and ask forgiveness. We feel like it is humiliating, but in reality it is one the moments when you stand tallest in the eyes of others.
5. Refuse To Blame - While no doubt others are also wrong too, and obviously there has to be ownership on their part as well, it is not your job to try to correct in the midst of a conflict. We must avoid becoming bitter (placing blame in our hearts). We must also avoid verbalizing the 'you were wrong too' feelings that we have.
6. Propose Win-Win Solutions - in attempting the fix what's broken, try to find a way for everyone involved to come away with a win. Address the issue in a way that takes everyone's thoughts, feelings, and concerns into account.
7. Smile + Stay Positive - cheerful positive people are hard to resist. So don't let someone else get the best of you. Don't let them see you sweat. Stay soft. Be positive. Rise above.
